Sir Gawain and the Book of Epic Failure That Should’ve Been Kept As a Poem: Narration

Well…… With that title out of the way…..

This book takes place in the court of King Arthur, and is about Sir Gawain and his enemy who turns out to be a dark lord who turns out to be not-so-dark.

 

So, let’s just get this over with, shall we?

 

NEW YEARS EVE, SOME YEAR A LONG TIME AGO

So, enter Arthur’s court, with all the feasting that you would expect from a king’s court. You know, cake, pizza, Coke, ice cream. Wait, take the menu back a few thousand years. You know, chicken, beef, wine, roast duck, quail, and pizza. Suddenly, the door blows open, and an evil-looking knight dressed in green appears out of nowhere somewhere. He challenges someone to cut off his head, and as a prize they would get a free axe. But wait, there’s more! In a year, the knight would return to cut off whoever cut off his head’s head. Sir Gawain decides “I want an axe! (even though Arthur could probably give me a thousand just like the one he has)” and cuts off the Green Knights head. The Green Knight’s body promptly picks up his head and says “See you in a year!”

 

350 days later…..

Gawain sets out to get his head cut off, and stumbles upon a man (Bertilak de Hautdesert) and his wife (Lady Bertilak), who let him stay with them for the remaining days until Gawain goes to meet the Green Knight. Lady Bertilak wants Gawain to love her, and offers many things to him, all of which he refuses until she offers him a green belt which will protect him. He accepts, and sets off to fight get beheaded by the Green Knight.

 

10 minutes later….

Gawain finds the Green Chapel, and sees the Green Knight. The Knight brings down his axe, but stops, because he said Gawain flinched. He brings down his axe again, but stops, just testing. He does it once more, and his axe bounces off Gawains neck. The Knight reveals himself to be Bertilak de Hautdesert, and he tells Gawain that Lady Bertilak is actually Morgan Le Fay, who sends Arthur’s Knights on POINTLESS, YEAR LONG, TIME CONSUMING QUESTS!!!!

Then, the Green Knight leaves, and Sir Gawain returns to Arthur’s court. What did he get out of this? A RANDOM AXE!!! What price did he pay? A WHOLE YEAR OF HIS TIME, WAITING TO BE BEHEADED!!!!

 

Pointless story, in my opinion. They should have never converted it from a poem to a story….

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